Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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