Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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