We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
