she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you inspire me to be a worse person
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
