Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
