Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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