So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
