grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
