He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
