sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i think i just lost a toe
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