And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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