She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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