I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
