You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
