why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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