I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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