Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's the barista slut.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
