I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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