One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
