and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
