I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
