i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
