Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
