Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
