I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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