The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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