I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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