I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
