We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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