my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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