i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
