Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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