girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
