Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
