dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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You need Xanax blowdarts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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