if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
