WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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