Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize