bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
