tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I supernannyed him into submission
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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