Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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