I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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