apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
