Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
