she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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