he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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