put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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