I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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