Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
