so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
