In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
