its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
