i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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