is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
