let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
