May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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