she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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